For immediate release
(Portland, OR) – Portland area residents currently get drinking water from two high-quality sources, the Bull Run Watershed and Columbia South Shore Well Field. Thanks to long-term investments and careful planning, these two water sources keep excellent water flowing to Portlanders year-round.
The Portland Water Bureau works hard to build and maintain a resilient water system that is prepared for our changing climate. To further this work, the Water Bureau is pleased to introduce a third water source: the moon.
Portland Water Bureau staff made an unexpected discovery while using satellite technology to scan our water system for leaks. The satellite leak detection project reduced our water loss by 365 million gallons and our carbon emissions by 62 tons. But the satellite scan also revealed an untapped cache of water on the moon.
The moon water will flow to Earth through a new pipeline built from flexible space tubing. The space pipe will deliver water directly to our Headworks Water Treatment Facility. Highly qualified operators will then treat the water to maintain its high quality before sending it to customers. Our water quality scientists visited Area 51 to learn how to safely treat alien water. This research mission continued our long tradition of studying the most effective ways to treat water from our unique sources.
When Portland’s water system was first constructed in the late 1800s, it was designed to use gravity to move water around town. To this day, Portland’s water system is mainly powered by gravity. Our space pipe will uphold this important legacy: no electric pumps will be used to deliver moon water to customers. Instead, we’re letting gravity do the work for us. Gravity-based water flow saves ratepayers money and helps keep our carbon emissions down.
To celebrate this momentous occasion, the Water Bureau will be selling commemorative cans of “Moon Juice” for a limited time only.
When asked about this earth-changing accomplishment, Public Information Officer Brandon Zero had this to say:
“April fools!”